~ Part two ~
When Evie was born, I was amazed at how quickly it all came back, the positioning, the attachment, and the routine. People often ask me if breastfeeding is easier the second time around? I tell them yes and no. Yes, because I know the technique and how it is supposed to feel, I’ve done it before. But it also isn’t because the last time I breastfed; Noah was 13 months old. It had been a long time since I had breastfed a newborn before. Not to mention it, I was feeding an entirely different baby.
I had learnt so much from my feeding journey with Noah, I was determined to ensure I had a different experience with Evie.
I had learnt so much from my feeding journey with Noah, I was determined to ensure I had a different experience with Evie.
I’d started antenatal expressing in the weeks leading up to Evie’s birth, and she had her first breastfeed shortly after delivery. My milk came in earlier than it did with Noah, probably on day 3. However, feeding was still painful, and my nipples were lipstick shaped again. I attended one of the hospital’s breastfeeding classes on day 2, and shared Noah’s complicated breastfeeding experience with the LC. I am grateful that she was able to spend a considerable amount of time with me to help improve Evie’s latch. We tried multiple positions, but none prevented Evie from leaving my nipple lipstick shaped.
She also assisted me in advocating to get a referral to the specialist who released Noah’s tongue tie. We saw him when Evie was 5 days old, and it was confirmed that she didn’t have a tongue tie. I felt slightly disappointed; not because I wanted her to have one, but because it meant that something
else was impacting her ability to latch properly. And again, everyone who had watched my technique and her feed said it appeared to be a good latch.
else was impacting her ability to latch properly. And again, everyone who had watched my technique and her feed said it appeared to be a good latch.
We were discharged on day 4, Evie was still well below birth weight (just over 10%). The home midwives visited, and Evie started to gain weight, but then began to lose it, I felt so deflated. I thought she was feeding well, and my milk was in. I was so determined to not end up with an oversupply like I did with Noah that I wasn’t pumping. So, when her weight wasn’t increasing, I started pumping and giving her small top ups, just as I had done with Noah. I reached out to my LC, and he helped me refine my plan and organised a home visit.
During the home visit, it was identified that Evie still wasn’t gaining weight, despite top ups. Her latch was still causing a lipstick shaping to my nipple, but I was attaching her correctly. My LC then provided me with the validation and reassurance that I will forever hold onto. He told me ‘The reason Evie can’t get a full mouthful is because you have large nipples and she has a small mouth, so
we just need her to grow’. He also joked and said thank goodness she wasn’t a 2kg baby (Evie was born at 4.03kg).
During the home visit, it was identified that Evie still wasn’t gaining weight, despite top ups. Her latch was still causing a lipstick shaping to my nipple, but I was attaching her correctly. My LC then provided me with the validation and reassurance that I will forever hold onto. He told me ‘The reason Evie can’t get a full mouthful is because you have large nipples and she has a small mouth, so
we just need her to grow’. He also joked and said thank goodness she wasn’t a 2kg baby (Evie was born at 4.03kg).
From here, Evie continued to grow and gain weight. I was pumping to boost my supply and to give her top ups. An amazing friend made me some lactation cookies. It started to become harder and harder to get her to take the bottles, so we eventually stopped. I’ve had mastitis a couple of times so far but have managed to clear it quickly each time.
When Evie was not gaining weight, I was a mess, and felt like such a failure. I had no idea how much residual trauma I had from my challenging breastfeeding journey with Noah, nor did I know how much it would impact my journey with Evie. I had moments and days where I would cry every time I thought about her not gaining weight. Every time my husband would always reassure me ‘we did this with Noah, and we can do this again’.
I would also cry because I was proud that I was persisting despite the challenges thrown at us. Noah’s journey also made me an even stronger advocate for my journey with Evie.